


tylar n jash fuk the universe lmao-A Heroic Epic

by junkpunk



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Action, Adventure, Epic, Eventual Characters, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Gangsters, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Smut, Worldstar, lol jk no smut till end, more ppl come up, paula deen has a secret, so i gues, tyler n jash have a bby, ur mom mom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-16 03:33:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5812210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junkpunk/pseuds/junkpunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>its 3am n i have school in the morning but I've been awake over 48 hours and I ain't stopping now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chep1-A Hero's Awakening

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ur friend todd](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ur+friend+todd).



> THIS ENTIRE THING IS A JOKE PLS DON'T YELL @mE

Tyler was chillin at home knitting some shit or something like the grandma he is

All of a fuckin sudden Josh comes crashin in

"lol suh dude"

"dude, suh"

“tyler I bought us a child”

“w8 what”

without responding, josh pulls out a fuckin lemon

“his name is tim”

“mip” says tim the lemin (lol that rhymes in a fuckin genius I should write 4 top instead of tyler)

“josh!” ty exclaims “that’s the 5th one this week! and its only Monday!”

“lol I know I like bad bitch thas a fukin problem hey what u knittin”

“lol a dik”

“lol”

“lol”

josh stands silently for a min but then realizes tim is a lil bitch and punts him out the window

“oml did u just punt our child”

“ye”

“but we were gon b parents n have gud s3x”

“w8 GOOD sex”

“ye”

jeaish has a thats so raven flashbck 2 the othr times when the dick n ass was jus moderate.

“o fuk les get tim” say josh qucikly bc josh wants gud s3x w ty and tim the lemin is the key 2 it lol key 2 success im dj khalid ponders jesh

they dont want us 2 have anal

so we gon have anal

who even is "they" lol probs cory from cory in the house yee its a party erry week bby

jash looks out tha window 2 find mip but he gone

“ty mip isn’t here. I think I punted him 2 hard using my nice af legs like look @this calve no wunder u wanna have the sexy times w me”

“guess we gon have 2 find him”

“smh ok”

so tyler and jash gear up rlly quickly like in those spy/action movies were its like rlly fast cuts of them puttin on clothes

“wher do we look 1st” seys jash

all asuden paula deen crashs thro the door!!!1!!8===D!

“niggas lol”

“fuk u paula wheres tim” tylar swers

“in my buttery pu$$y lol “

“nO!!” scrembs jash n he crawls inside of paulas vag

“w8 u don’t have a vag lol that means ur paul deen not paula u faker”

“ofuk” n paul flies out tha window

“by betch”

“lesbian go!” ty seys n thei run out of their humble abode (OMF THAT RHYMED 2 YO I should b in the movie 8mile but like i'm eminem not that crusty ass bro that shot himself in the leg and was like "o i don't want them makin fun of me" and i was like "lol stfu u shot urself in the leg u stupid hoe u deserve 2 be roasted" and like i dont fall 4 that hoe who eminem fucked at his work like his boss couldve came around the corner n poped a glock n his ass or like got in on that action and btw why that bitch trynna be nice 2 him after she fuked his lying ass friend like tf she like comes around n is like lol we cool and hes lowkey like ifhu aLSO im suprised no one died like i expected like greg or whatever the fuckass father's name is to die or like he kill eminem or some shit and it b like boys in the hood like eminem is ricky like he was gonna make it he was gonna college why the fuck they let dough boy live dough boy was the evil bitch anyway back 2 story)

“okai wwere now!!8%!!” ty anounces

“Well if my calculations are correct, the total amount of time Tim was assumed to be traveling averages to 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Through the air, with resistance included, the total speed Tim traveled should be about 240 miles per hour. If we need to find the location Tim is at, then we need to use the formula: speed multiplied by time. So next, we need  to multiply Tim’s speed, 240 miles per hour, and his time, 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Through calculations, the average distance Tim was assumed to cover should be around 10 miles. In conclusion, if you punted Tim through the window to the right, Tim should be 10 miles east of us right now”, Josh Dun declares.

“wot u sey sry I thot mi dik fell off agin”

“lol idk i 4get les get taco bell lmao”

“ye tim prolly there he lik pussy n code werd 4 pus$eh is bell (drake bell lol drakenjosh more leik tylarandjash) erryone kno that”

“u right leggo mi eggo lmao wat n eggo”

 

 

 

And so the two happy boys skipped off down the road to find their friend Tim, _**unaware of what soon is to come.**_

 

_2b cumtinued_


	2. chap2-A Hero Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gRapHic mUrdeR n dRuGZ \\. lol i 4get i ended last cahpter callin tim their friend insted of child jus 4get that part lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im finna post these everytime i have 2get somethin done but im 2much of a lil bitch 2do it lmao which probs will b ery night prepar ur vag or dik or both we aint judgin here B-)

**Previously on tylar n jash fuk the universe…**

_“lol a dik”_

_“lol”_

_“lol”_

**Continued** …

Jash n ty r now in a cheap ass slow car bc the onli job ty has is like preforming infront of millions of ppl everyday and is a top chart seller

“ugGggGghhghgg im hungreY” jish screambs rlly loud

“lol hi hungry I’m dad” jokes tyler *tyler looks directly @ you and a studio audience laughs in the background *

all astudent their cheap car turn into a fuckin bus

“wat” ty says n realize he aint drivin nymore we aint n kansas animor lmao

“heEReeREE wEEeeeE gOGogOOOO” screams an unkon voice

“ofuk not agen” seys jade I mean jash

its jash’s ex. mrs. Frizzle.

“ay” she speak nd taek out her bun

“obiwan 2 stick yo disco stick n mi minivan?”

“no im rly gay I leik dick n nicholas cage”

if ty only knew jash leik nich cage

he would invite him 2 his last orgey

owell

their always a next time

“damit. But im actualy here 2 help u fags find ur child”

“nah fuk u ms frizzle u fukin crawled thro yo students intestines thas like assault on a whole new level im surprise u aint sued u fire crotch ass bitch” seys jash

“I knew I shoulve stayed hoe 2day” says that bitch arnold

“stfu baby dick ass. Yo bitch take us 2 taco bell” say ty

“te onli toco u gettin is this doroitos locos pussy”

ok im dun w this bitch ty thenks n pulls out his dik n shoot frizzl w his lazer semen n she die

“wo bro how u learn 2 do ttat?” jash ask ty

“idk lol yolo”

ty start 2 cri

jash strt 2 cri

they still crein

what a conundrum

coNUNdrum

“jASH CALL UR MOM N APOLIGISE 4 SEYIN YOLO”

“oke”

jash tek out his fone an dial her #

“hey fag wassup u scorin any pussy” jash mem sey

jash luv her

she leik he father figure

“no mommy bc im savin myself 4some1 specil” he tel her

“waht a faggoty loozer” she sey

“no I not”

“wahts 9 + 10”

“gay”

“u fag”

“lol mom ur rly cool”

“ikr”

omg he wish all ppl r leik her

the wrld wold b a bettr place

“bi I mean bye mom”

“l8tr loser”

jash hang up

“lmao who drivin the bus”

“ms jacksun ms jackdun lol r u nasty”

omG bREdbIN UrmINg

wen dID ThIS hUNK geT hERE?! think ty

“teak off ur shorts” ty seys

o he wsnt supposed 2 seiy tht outloud

lol

jash all asusden feel a ruSH of jELOUSY

lol big time rush

make it count

play it straight

except not straight

bc we all gey

lol

1time he ask james maswallow 4 a piece of he hair

he sey ye nd he cri 4 like 2 whore I mean hour

“yall need to go2 church leik rn” says bredin

“lolno” sey jash

jash is not allowed in church bc 1time he spiked the communion wine nd he got 2 turnt

bden cant taek tylar’s smexiness anymore n he lAUCH HIMSELF ON HIM

b4 ty can protest, bred grab him by his nipz n kiss heim

this feelz wrong :-( thnks ty n he rips out of he grasp

“im in luv w/ obama I mean jash im sry”

“lmao k”

“but yo lip tasite mighty fyne”

“leik a bowl of cantaloupe nd ketchup on a July 4th block party @ precisely 3:04 in tha afternoon”

“cudn’t hav seid it better miself”

ty look @ jash 2 see if he see them mouth fuk eachothr on aciidentlty

but somethin wrong w jash

“lol 내가 네 엄마 를 엿”

o fuk

ty kno that jash speak Korean onli when he high af

“wtf u bitch pass the shrimp” sey bredbin lol thas a big shrimp wtf w all thes drake n jash refrences

"u want sum plant m8" ty sey 2 jsh

o fuk this b pear pressure he think

but he take it aniway bc ty is aa cool gay i mean guy

they all gey rlly high n turnt n continu on2 taco bell, forwardin their search 2 find tim

lol w8 who drivin now lmao they high af

wEE WOO WEE WOO

“o shet the caps” sey ty

jash fukin swalls the blunt whol n w8ts

ass asuden the polic cum up2 the car

n u wont believe who it is

rlly

i dont even believe

suppose 2 b a cliff hanger but I still dunt kno who the person is lmao fml I have 2 continue my hw see u next time

**_To be cuntinued_ **


	3. chaptur3- A Hero's Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i rlly hav2 pee ;-()

**Previously on tylar n jash fuk the universe...**

 

_ “lol 내가 네 엄마 를 엿” _

 

** Continued... **

 

Jash n tylar n bden r shakin w fear bc of tha polic cumming 2 theyr car

Tha popo tap on the windo

ong

itz geroge lopez

“soy tu papi ahora”

"i dnt speak portuguese sry" sey jash 

“bich u got ani enchaladas lmao” sey bden

“no but I got ur moms pussy lol” say gerog

“aY fUck u mi madre es en a restirement home”

“lol ill fuk u”

“wat”

“lol”

“lol”

“롤”

georg sey “im gay” nd ty sey “omg same” and jash sey “literally me tho” and they all laugh bc homosexuality is a classic joke

“hAhA supris bEotcH” sey geroge n whip out he tortilla(dik) n sUK JASH N LIK GHOST BUSTER

“neUOOO!!!” screm ty n bren in unsision

“he wuz a sk8tr boi she sey see ya l8r boi” sais ty n singl tear fall fum eye

“fly u foolz” sey jash n a distant echo (LOTR refrnece lool)

Jash is literaly drowin in the pussy rn lol

if pussy wauz a dik

“wE ned lol neds declassified to save heim!!!”

b4 they can attempt to save jash glopez suck them in2 his dik 2 :-(

“I new I shouldv stayed @home 2day” sey analrd agen

“fuk u” sey jash n shot him w lazer semen

_day pass_

_weeks past_

_months pass_

_years pass_

_lol jk like 3 min_

then finaly they r released

“welcum 2 mi secret layer” gays George lopz

gorege iz n his mr.electro outfit frum shark boi n lava gurl

“wtf gerogr u fukin cunt basket” sey jash

“fuk u” sey geoge

“ur such a cunt fuck”

“fuk ur shitty dickhole”

“lol ass” sey ty

“y would u say that” sey jash

“yeah tf we don’t use bad languag in my layr”

all asuden they realiz they hangin frum glopez electric testicals!!!!11!1!

this stres is rly bad 4 ty’s hair

he jsut got et dun

jash dun

@ tha dount stoor

he heart dounutz

dos nutz

B)

“releas tha houndz” sei gerog

“fuuuloluuk!” erry1 scream

then rite b4 they die, geroge’z neighbor carla (((shes a rly nice lady)))) complains bout the noise so they hav 2 go 2 bdens hous

“ohkaiy now imam keel u lol” sey g

but bden is a bada$$ gangster nd pulls out his glok nd shot gerog but shot jash 2 on accident bc bden is a fukass

jash gos 2 the hospital 2 get fixed b4 he die

he go to the doc butt they sey “ew u gay get out”

how homeostasis of them :(

jash n ty n beden walk out of the plac but ran into a lil boi

“sup fag” jash sey

“bruh” lil boi sey nd tries do the handshake tht all the guys kno except ty don’t kno it bc he was absent the day they taught it in school

“letz get married lol” lil boi sey

“lol k hmu on twitter ily” sey jash

“hey arnold wtf r u doing talkin 2 that faguette I told u no more gang meeting w/ out me” the lil boi mommy sey

“fuking bithc” arnold seys so his mom cant hear him

“bi arnold” they all sey

now that thei all safe kinda lol idfk

they finaly head2 taco bell 2tim the lemin

suprizinly they don’t run in2 any horny villianz and finaly arrive on the tacobel porch

jash sWING open the door

 

will tim b on the othr side?

 

lol hello frcum the othr side to be

 

 

 

_**Cunninghamtinued** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mi frens kno about this fic so im finna mak it moar full-frontal 5them B)


	4. chap4- A Hero's Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuKINjgf FukVKn

mY fuKCIngf FOot iS aSLeeP


	5. chep 5- A Hero's Suprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iM fuckfin  
> ffj  
> i haVe to studye for fynals im so fuckinf

there open that door n walk n

“ay u hoes u know where mi boi tim is?1?”

erry1 turn around n star @them

a cumdumper speks up, “y’all fukin stoppid this isn’t taxo bell its walgreens”

“wHaT Th FuCk” scram bden. he hit jush on teh ass lightly bc <3 but still angri enof 2 fight “jash i knEw u shouldT of smOked the OG dank”

“the onli og i kno is ornge guice” ty sey

they happi camprs walkd up2 a randum work stockin condums or sumthin lol conduns plays teh condrums lol

“ay fat chode-ass lookn boi wher mi dik spawn tim @?” sey jahotash

“he n my vagina lol”

“my mother lives n Virginia :-)” sey ty

“ur fukin stoopid ty we all know she live in this pussi” see bden

ty sceam “Ofuk i 4get lol she ask mi sun wen i grow old wil u buy mi this pussi lol brb gonna cry now”

“guiz,” start te wrker, “i saw  a black persun tak ur son”

jash scoff “tf u caant say person that rasist”

“no i been like a rl black persuun”

“ITS 2016 I DNT SEE COLOR U CHODE” hush scream 

“JASH HE MEAN BLURRYFACE”

“ofuk”

“we cnt taek down blurry down” beden wine 

“bithc dont u test me tho jus bc i play te piano” n ty slaps himsef on teh ass :-)

“ho, this aint tiem 4ur gey tunez this is srs” jash scmred

“i’m srry :-(“

“its k”

“:-)”

“hay ty, how u feel?”

“t-e-r-r-i-f-i-e-d”

“wat”

“lol i mean l-i-t”

“tas better lol bc u dunt set a treehouis on fire n instead this dik lol i have chlymidia kill me."

bden cumz 2 a hallmart halt “w8 guiz. i kno jus te thing. 1sex.”

tey w8 liek 2 mins. all sud[dun], music start playin lmao.

dah du da duh da duh dadaddydada dad dik dah duh gh0stbustrz

all suddn, fall out boi walk out n full ghostbustr suitz oh my god.

wat gonna happen nect idk lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i stoped w this n stanned kpop for liek a year but m bac 4liek a cople mins


End file.
